Get my free Email Jumpstart Kit!<\/a><\/div>\n<\/div>\n\n\n\nE-mail Example #2: LeadGen Salesman<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
One of the great luxuries of being a business owner is the number of beautiful emails that are sent to your inbox. That’s complete sarcasm. But let’s go ahead and take a look at this second email and what this person does well and what they could do much better.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Here we have an email from our buddy Felipe and the subject line reads, “Virtual LeadGen for XYZ.” The body reads: <\/p>\n\n\n\n
“Hi, Will. I’ve been generating inbound leads and sales for companies like XYZ, over the last year with great success and zero advertising costs. I would love to talk to you about a few channels and strategies that are working best for my clients and can work for you as well. Would you be open to 10 free leads in for five minutes of your time? If so, sign up here. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Feel free to visit our website www.xyz.com. <\/p>\n\n\n\n
Sincerely, Felipe.”<\/p>\n\n\n\n
The first thing that it misses is that the subject line frankly sucks. It does make it really clear what you’re offering to me, but it’s not super engaging as to the offer that you were about to pitch me. The other problem is that Felipe spends a lot of his email talking about what he’s done for other clients, as opposed to what he can do for me. Notice the difference between this email and David’s email and email number one, in which David focused a little bit more on me as the prospect whereas Felipe is talking about statements that use the “I” phrase a lot more.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
He says statements like, “I have been generating”, or “I would love to talk to you” much more than David did. Lastly, the call to actions are super unclear. I don’t know if Felipe wants me to click the here, go and visit his website, or even just manage my email preferences or unsubscribed from this list. It is not explain like I’m five proof. So as a result, I am less inclined to take any action at all.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
All this being said, one thing that Felipe does do decently well is that he does focus on what’s in it for me, he tells me that he’s willing to offer me 10 free leads in exchange for five minutes of my time. So making that offer really clear is a nice job for Felipe.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
That being said, though, as a business owner, I know that that’s a bunch of mumbo jumbo and that it is simply a way for somebody to get a discovery call with me. And so, it’s typically going to be more of a waste of time for me than it is an actual benefit. So be careful when you make those sorts of pitches, because business owners see that all the time. It is better for you to lead with value in your first email with really specific points than it is for you to make a generic statement of some offer that you’re going to be giving them.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
E-mail Rewrite #2<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
let’s jump into how we would rewrite this. I’m going to pull up Hemingway Editor like I did last time. So let’s jump in. The first thing that I do is I reposition the subject line. The subject line that I’ve come up with is, “Quick Question on XYZ’s LeadGen”. This is a little bit more personalized than the prior subject line, but more importantly, it is focused on this email being a really low lift email that can potentially get a more immediate response from the business owner.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
From here, I would immediately jump into the problem. So the sentence I came up with was, “With everything going on right now in the world, is your sales team getting enough leads? If not, I did some research and found 10 leads that might be valuable to you because they are in your ideal customer profile.” So what I’m doing here is I’m making it really clear that if they have this problem, I have already identified a solution for them so they should keep reading my email.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Lastly, I’m going to have my call to action. And so I’m going to end with a simple line of, “Mind if I send it over?” From there, I would just sign Felipe and then I’d see how my prospects responded to this.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Let’s talk about what was different about this. The first thing is that we really focused on the fundamentals as to what the prospect might care about and how we can align to their needs. In other words, we focused a lot on ANA, which was aligning to the audience, the needs and making a very clear ask. We also cut out the part on talking to us because that was just fluff. At this point in time, in the relationship of a cold email, we’ve added no additional value to the business owner. So there’s no reason why they should be keeping us any time on their calendar.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Instead, what we’ve done is we focused on giving value upfront to the business owner and completing that value as opposed to asking them to visit our website or to book a time with us. The final nuance that I want you to take note of here is that I’ve left the door open to myself. Notice how I end the email with a simple line of, “Mind if I send this over?”, this makes it super easy for me to follow up on this email in the case where the business owner doesn’t respond to me by simply replying back on the email and actually sending over those leads in my next email follow-up.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
By having this sort of one, two punch, I’m making it really clear to my prospect that I’m here to provide value to them and not simply to sell them another service that they might not actually need.<\/p>\n\n\n\n
Big takeaways<\/h2>\n\n\n\n
There are two things I want you to remember from this article:<\/p>\n\n\n\n
- The first one is to always remember ANA or Ana. Who is your audience? What are their needs? And what is your ask of them? <\/li>
- The second thing to remember is to always make sure that your call to actions are ELI5 proof. In other words, a five-year-old should be able to understand what you want the reader of your email to do as their next action. As much as possible, try to limit your emails to one call to action.<\/li><\/ol>\n\n\n\n
If you found this article helpful, be sure to check out my YouTube channel<\/a> to get new videos every single week I\u2019ll help take you from zero to self-starter as you grow your business, get more customers, and hone your business acumen. Also, feel free to share this with anybody that you know that might benefit from learning about writing cold emails that gets read.<\/p>\n\n\n\n